Walked into my girlfriend’s place unannounced, found a guy balls deep in her ass in the living room. That was the day she went from girlfriend to ex real fast. If she wanted anal she could have just asked.
11. Sketch Has No Limits
A “walking in” story from a party I was at when we were all about 17-18. A couple of hours in, everyone had turned up except one of the birthday girl’s best friends. She eventually calls and says she’s out at a club and can she bring the guy she’s met – whose name is apparently “Sketch”.
Half an hour later they turn up, pretty drunk. After about 15 mins, we realise they have vanished upstairs. Birthday girl doesn’t really want them fooling around in her bedroom but no one wants to walk in on them either. So we send the drunkest guy up to call them down.
He toddles off upstairs and then about a minute later comes back into the living room looking pale and distraught. He sits down. We ask what happened.
“I went up and opened the door… and he was going down on her… and then he looked over at me… and I think he was a vampire! There was blood all over his mouth. So I left.”
Turned out they’d started fooling around, it became clear it was her time of the month but “Sketch” decided to power on through. We’d accidentally sent up the one person who, in a drunken haze, was not mentally equipped to deal with this at all. He looked broken for the rest of the night.
12. “You Do You, Man”
So this happened last semester. But I got home around 11/1130pm and no one was home, I’m like alright whatever. I go to my room, throw my stuff down and grab my water bottle, I walk into the kitchen to fill it (where the front door is – small 3 bdrm apartment through the school) and in walks this girl and I’m like wtf is this girl doing in my house. We make eye contact. I realize it’s my roommate in full drag. Fake boobs, wig, high heels, all of it. All he says is “I can explain…” Already having seen a lot of this kid’s oddities, I just say “Don’t bother, you do you, man.” And I just went to fill up my bottle and continued to play civ or something the rest of the night. He now occasionally just chills in drag and talks makeup and clothes with my other roommate’s girlfriend. I’m writing this sitting next to his 7ft unicycle propped against the wall. It’s been an interesting year to say the least.
13. Knock First
In college one of my friend/roommates had a girlfriend we all liked. Cool chick.
Except I somehow walked in on her shitting 5 different times in a year. It got so ridiculous that I got antsy about going to any bathroom with her around. It took a year for me to stop yelling through bathroom doors before I went inside.
14. Hide And Seek Goes Terribly Wrong
Didn’t really walk in but the most traumatizing time. When I was 6 I had friends over for a play date and I went to go hide underneath my grandparents’ bed with my friend. My grandparents came into the room after us so they had no idea we were in there so they started undressing and goton the bed. Sounds started. I started crying but they were basically deaf so they couldn’t hear me. But my mom walked by the room and thought she heard me crying so she walks in. Grandparents start screaming at my mom. Mom starts screaming at grandparents I run out from under the bed with my friend trailing behind me. It was awful.
15. A Father/Daughter Moment
One time I, then a teenaged girl, walked in on my father masturbating to porn. I could tell from the dialogue was porn that I had masturbated to several hours earlier. I didn’t see anything other than dad throw the bed sheets over himself and look incredibly sheepish. That day I learned we both like lesbian porn, however, we have not bonded over this incident.
16. The Resident Assistant Does His Rounds
I used to be a Resident Assistant. I was doing room inspections with my partner RA. I had given all my residents over a week notice, taped a letter to their door alerting them that I would be coming around. Everything was going fine until we got to room 312. I still remember the room number to this day.
We knocked on the door 3 times with no answer. I announced that I was keying into the dorm. We get inside, everything’s normal. I go to the individual bedrooms and knock 3 times again. As soon as I announce I’m keying in, my resident opens the door in just gym shorts.
“Hey what’s up?”
“Just doing our scheduled room checks.”
“Oh, ok. Come on in.” Without even hesitating or giving me a warning on what I was about to walk into.
As he opens the door I see a naked man dart across the room and into the bathroom. I didn’t know he was gay, so that was surprising. But then as I walk into the room and look to my left I see a tiny Asian man was standing in the corner with a laptop in front of him. He was only wearing a cheetah print thong. I quickly avert my eyes and look to my right and I see a camera on a tripod.
I dart out of there immediately yelling “you passed, have a nice day.” They could’ve had kilos of coke in the corner I wouldn’t have cared.
17. Cocaine Is A Hell Of A Drug
I was 12, at a sleepover with a good friend of mine. It was around mid-afternoon. I was getting myself some water when I come back to see my friend getting lectured about how messy his room was (it was immaculate) and how he should take responsibility for things (he did). His dad is pulling up carpet fuzz and yelling at him for it. My friend is crying. I kinda pretended that I didn’t walk in on that, and hung out in the kitchen reading cereal box ingredients.
As soon as the dad walks out, his girlfriend comes in through the door in tears. She had totaled her Corvette running a red light, and now the boyfriend was hysterical, yelling at her, and us. They go to their room and there’s this banging and fighting noise. Then everything was normal.
Took me fucking forever to realize they were addicted to cocaine.
18. Heroic Girlfriend
We’d gotten our friend a bit too drunk for this birthday. Walked in on his girlfriend cleaning him up after he had apparently shit himself. Amazing woman was trying to keep it a secret so as not to have him embarrassed.
Called him the next day and instructed him to marry her. They’ve a son in college now.
19. Eighties Nostalgia
8 years old, almost 9, It was my birthday in a week and I was all hyped up because I thought we were going to go out for pizza later that day. In those days, it was a big deal. Wtf was $5 pizza? This was 1987 and Round Table Pizza was better than God. Anywho, strolled right into my parents’ room. My mom and dad, butt ass nekkid on the bed in the middle of making the beast with two backs. Except, not two backs. Three. One of mom’s friends striding mid-step into the master bath like ninja fast. Mom’s on the bed, straddling, and oh god what a matted mess. Dad right behind her, also straddling. Lock eyes with mom, and in a valiant attempt to diffuse whatever shock I was in, decides she’s gonna play it cool. She leans forward, drops a fairly epic sized double ended dildo, grabs my dad’s feet, picks them up and starts singing “row, row, row your boat.”
Obviously, I screamed like a banshee and ran for my life. Almost 40, still can’t go camping without flashbacks.
20. Mom, The Hypocrite
I walked in on my mom watching the “Anal Princess vol 2” tape she had confiscated from me the day before… 🙁
No, I never got my tape back.
I also never again caught shade for watching porn.
21. Answering the call light
I worked as a CNA in a long-term care facility. A call light was going off so I entered the room to find an old man with a Foley catheter jacking it in his wife’s face. They both yelled at me for going in the room, even though the call light was on. It was just a weird sight to behold.
When I was about 13 years old, I ran inside from playing touch football with my friends to go to the bathroom. I really had to piss. Now I’m not much of a sportsman–I just liked to play for the fun of hanging out with my friends–but my step-brother was a real shut-in. He rarely bathed, had a long greasy mullet, and always wore his jean jacket that had a Metallica patch ironed onto the back.
We were the same age, by the way.
So I run upstairs and throw open the door…and stop dead in my tracks. The toilet was in one corner of the room, and the sink was next to it about an arm’s length away. There squatted my step-brother, bracing his body weight on the sink and the back of the toilet. Between his legs stood the plunger suctioned to the linoleum floor. The end of the plunger was up his ass.
23. “I Thought You Were In The Shower”
I used to sleep at my cousin’s house all the time. I was raised by my mother and she’s a nurse, so I spent many nights there.
One night when I was 12 I was at his house. It was just us and his three younger siblings. When I stayed there I crashed in his room. So, around 9 pm I say I’m going in the shower. His shower used to take a long time for the water to become hot, so I turned the water on and went into the living room with my towel on and watched “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” for about 10 minutes. Then I hear a bunch of shit falling in my cousin’s room, so I walk towards it.
I open the door and there’s my cousin, completely naked with a dish towel wrapped around his erect dick, and he’s knocking everything down in the room with his dick. I’m talking sports figurines, a lot of books, VHS tapes, video games, basically anything you could think of that would be in a 13-year-old’s room. So I say “what the fuck cuz” he just looked at me calmly and said, “I thought you were in the shower, I was going to clean it up, I always do”
Never mentioned it again.
24. Naughty Until The Very End
Do you know there are people in their mid-80’s still having hot, sweaty, hair pulling, ass spanking, dirty-talking sex?
I know there are. I accidentally walked through a room where my 80+year-old friend was banging his 80+year-old girlfriend. They didn’t know I was there and it took a full minute to get out of the room. Apparently, an 80-year-old woman can still be a “naughty girl who needs a good, hard fucking.”
You go, my man Howard!
25. Unsurprising Somehow
Years ago I was sharing a room with my homophobic brother, he is one of those guys that consider himself the alpha male but is mostly just talk. I came early from work and I found him using a dildo in his ass….to this day I can’t look at any penis shape thing without having flashbacks.
26. Sis borrows laptop for “school work”
I thought nobody was home when I got home and remembered my sister borrowed my laptop to do her school work the night before. I go to her room to get it and she has it playing porn while she is pounding herself with a cucumber. I’ve never run out of the house so fast. Went and hung out with a friend til later when everyone would be home. Never mentioned what I saw to anyone until now.
27. Dad Was Not Amused
When I was a young boy (5 or 6 maybe) I remember going into my parents’ room at night to hop in bed with them and my father being completely naked when I just ran in and hopped in bed.
My mom thought it was the funniest thing ever and I can remember my dad being in a bad mood the entire time I laid there until (very quickly) he got me out of the room and back into mine.
I remember asking “why is daddy naked” and my mom said “Oh, he is just going to take a bath now”
1) My dad didn’t take baths 2) I only realized about 20 years later that I most likely just walked in on my parents about to get it on and my dad was in a bad mood because “fuck this kid” right?
28. Morning Glory
I was the one “walked in” on:
In high school I snuck out of the house late at night to meet some friends and let’s just say I was very hungry when I got home. So I raided the kitchen pantry and took the only two edible things that were ready to eat – plain tortilla chips and plain hershey’s chocolate bars.
I go up to my room and start eating the chocolate and chips. Mind you I sleep naked and it was a little warm in the house, so I’m naked on top of all of the blankets and with the state of mind I was in I was making a pretty big mess. Crumbs and chocolate bits getting all over my chest. …Well, then I pass out.
Here comes the problem. I have always been hard to wake up. We’re talking now I have to set 12 alarms every morning for work. So every morning my parents (mom until this incident) would come to my room, open my door, turn on my light, say time to get up and close the door. Turning on the light was the only way to get me up and out of bed.
So, my poor mother comes to my room to wake 17 year old me up. And as a 17 year old boy, who is just waking up, I was FULLY ERECT. Door opens, light flips on, and there is her son laying like a dead starfish on his bed, chips crumbs and melted chocolate all over his chest, with a RAGING boner. Not only that but from her angle she is staring right down the devil’s alley at my taint/balls/boner.
So she screams at the top of her lungs. This scares the shit out of me, so I wake up and start screaming at the top of my lungs. Now she’s kind of running in place flapping her arms around screaming, I’m screaming naked in horror in my bed, and my dad comes bounding over thinking something is wrong and bursts the door fully open. He yells “OH WHAT THE FUCK!” I try to yell “GET OUT” and cover myself but really just manage to yell, “GEEEEEEROUFFF!!!!” as I rip the blanket up and fall off the bed to the side.
Breakfast was quiet that morning.