‘She’s like a magnet for beings, isn’t she ?’ he said.
We were sitting, as we do every Friday morning, enjoying our Starbucks mommy/ daughter moment when this statement was offered. My little girl was chattering away to, well, everyone actually, about her new coloring book.
As she colored, she made some comments. Everyone near us stopped to listen.
A woman sitting with her two children smiled. Her older daughter looked on. Fascinated. Completely overwhelmed, as my little girl explained that it was a Sophia coloring work. Do you like Sophia ?
The man, a regular who we often saw, chuckled as my daughter invited,” Do you want to color?”
I’m used to the effect my daughter has on beings. She is outgoing, self-confident, friendly, kind.
But, a magnet? Well, I hadn’t thought of her like that before.
To be honest, I’m generally more aware of how immense she can be. How fervent and opinionated and demanding.
Frankly, I am often twisting inside as I try to bring her in. A little. I can’t bear to be squash that wonderful temperament, but sometimes I wish she was just a little less. Less strident, little outgoing, less gregarious.
But then she might also be less friendly, less inclusive, little thoughtful. Less her.
My conscious says far more about me than it does her.
But, I’m find the parenting of this bundle of confidence difficult. The reality is, having such an extrovert youth is depleting. It is constant, it is draining.
In social situations where I might stay on the edge, I can’t. She does the butting in for me. Where I might stay quiet and just listen, I can’t. She’s right there in the middle of the conversation.
I need to strike the right balance between spurring her confidence, and learning her suppression and social knowledge. I need to teach her that not everyone is as self-confident as she is, that she needs to tread more gently sometimes.
I have to check my own natural predilection towards shyness. She is not me, and I should not expect her to be, or react, like me. I must not harbor her back because I detect awkwardness.
It is wonderful that she is outgoing and fearless, and it was eventually do her well.
So, I need to focus on doing my job right. On teaching her to remain kind and thoughtful, to have pity. To understand when other children find her devotion overwhelming. To step back and wait for them to join her. And, to accept that not all of them will.
I need to stop worrying that she is too much, because she’s just right.
Back in Starbucks, the woman and their own children get up to leave. Before they did they came over to my daughter. The father said that her daughter wanted to ask her a few questions. The wee girlfriend looked up and smiled, but the other girl was too shy. So her father asked for her. Did my daughter attend dance sessions (she was in her ballet attire)? Where did she do dance? Would she like a sticker?
My daughter chatted, picked a sticker, waved goodbye. The other girl left smiling.
Every time I find myself flinching or making apologies for her pushiness, I need to remember this. I need to remember that little girl who left smiling.
And the little boy who had watched all the while, and came over and shared his snack with her. And the brother and sister who arrived a little afterward, and invited members to join in their recreation when she asked if she could play with them.
She thrives in companionship. She outshines at social interactions. She is not yet four and she is more sensation at them than her mother.
She is an extrovert.
My most important enterprise are to ensure that no one, including me, ever meets her feel like she shouldn’t be.
For More from Sara Murray trip her blog Mum Shifted Mom.
Read more: https :// www.littlethings.com/ mother-of-extrovert /